Peanut Butter and Chocolate Chips: Why your new wellness plan has you reaching for them

In my years of working with people around eating disorders and disordered eating, I can’t tell you the number of times someone describes feeling out of control with chocolate chips and peanut butter. At face value it may seem innocent enough: chocolate and peanut butter are two delicious items, duh. And sure, they are delicious! But for all the unique people with unique and individual tastes I’ve seen, I find it hard to believe so many favor a spoonful of peanut butter with chocolate chips thrown on top as their treat of choice.

At some point in exploring this with clients through the years, it became clear that the reason this is the oft-chosen treat is less because it’s the holy grail of desserts and more because they are two ingredients that people who rigidly control their food and bodies allow in their home. 

Many who are struggling with disordered eating allow themselves specific amounts of peanut butter, feeling it’s an ‘acceptable’ food if it is the brand and variety they feel safe with. Because it is viewed in wellness terms as ’unprocessed’ ‘clean’ ‘good’ etc…it is allowed in. Chocolate chips are given special allowance because they are frequently used in baking. People struggling with disordered eating and eating disorders are often wonderful bakers, sometimes even becoming preoccupied with looking at recipes and planning what they’ll make to bring somewhere (i.e. they won’t keep the treat at home). 

So let’s say you have been ‘good’ all week, eating ‘on plan’ and feeling proud…but also deprived. The mental and physical restriction sets in and you find yourself facing intense hunger and cravings, mostly for the kinds of foods you haven’t allowed yourself. The combination of under-eating, maybe over-exercising, and disordered thoughts take over. And because you likely don’t have access to a variety of foods that might match your desire (because of said ‘wellness plan’), you are left with few options. Enter peanut butter with chocolate chips. It’s not actually what you want, but it’s what you have. And after not allowing yourself what you desire, it’s good enough. Except it’s not actually what you desire and not actually good enough.

There’s a way out. It’s not easy and it’s not a quick fix, but it can lead you to less anxiety around food and more moments of trusting your body and its wants and needs. Understanding how you came to approach food the way you do, unpacking diet culture beliefs, healing the parts of you that go to disordered eating in attempts to protect and control, and learning how to listen to and honor your body’s needs can help end the cycle you’re in.